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I'm tired. I'm so tired that I could just cry for a long, long time.

Dream note

I had a dream that was a Guardians of the Galaxy/ Game of Thrones/ Lord of the Rings mashup. Everyone had to get through the Mines of Moria, which was more of an underground town with a rockin' bazaar, and then they came to my house for a barbeque.

Dear brain, that's awesome, but stop plz.


Jun. 20th, 2013

I spent all day on the phone, trying to get my doctor shit sorted out. Trying to get birth control is ridiculous. I don't know why it's not over the counter. Quoth my mother: "Well, they have to monitor your hormones." Bullshit. Not one gyno appointment I have ever had has monitored my hormones. I have never had blood drawn by these people. It's more, try this. Later: how's that working for you? Okay? Good, keep doing it. Why that can't be over the counter I don't know.

Talked to the photographer about the next week's engagement shoot today. Bring all the things. Must find cute sundress type number. ohmygod. These will be the first pro pictures that will be taken of my tail.

While we were on the phone she said to her husband, "Honey, hang on, I've got a bride on the phone," and can I just note how weird that was? To be referred to as a bride. I mean, I am one, I guess, but still. I don't really feel like one? I don't know. It's a new title in my life, and it's odd.

Everything is odd. I'm tired and crabwalking around the shadows in my house because I've been on the phone too much in the past twenty four hours and I've got hives and I'm freaking out.

teal deers, I'm over tired, weird, and should go to bed now.


Do you hear the people go 'meh'

Mom and Tess and I went and saw Les Miserables last night. I was... whelmed. I'd say that I need to see it again to figure out how I feel about it, but I'm not blowing another ten bucks on it in the theater and I'll fall asleep if I try to watch it at home on DVD. So, here are my thoughts.

First, let me say that this musical is my favorite musical of all time, ever ever ever, and I have been waiting what seems like my entire life to see it on the big screen. My expectations were astronomically high, so I guess I was set up for disappointment. I was expecting something along the lines of Chicago, where they took a good stage show and made it into a movie, not a movie of a stage show, if that makes any sense. It was like watching the 25th anniversary special with slightly better costumes. I'd say it had better sets than an anniversary show, but frankly, you couldn't really see the sets with all the intense facial closeups they were doing, so they might as well not have been there. Note on the closeups during ever freaking song- it was boring as fuck. Seriously. I was staring at the ceiling half the time to rest my eyes because visually, I wasn't missing anything. And since most of the movie was filmed this way...ugh. What were they thinking?

The casting was good, basically- Hugh Jackman is an amazing Jean Valjean, and I loved Colm Wilkinson as the bishop. Anne Hathaway was amazing, but when isn't she? I loved how she got progressively sicker- her makeup artist did a fantastic job, too.

Russell Crowe. Oh, Russell. He would have been great playing Javert in the movie. He sucked as Javert in the musical. Well, he didn't suck. He sounded like someone from Panic in the Disco doing a cover of a couple of Javert's songs. His singing was entirely too pretty, and I just wasn't buying the badass cop thing.


Cosette was good. I liked Seyfried's portrayal, but then, I like her and I like Cosette. Seriously, people need to get over the Cosette hate. She didn't even know that Eponine existed, she just found a dude that she liked and then married him. Whatever.

I really wish Helena Bonham Carter would retire from acting. This was the one role I thought she would be good in, and imo she kind of bombed. Mme. Thenardier is a very in-your-face role, and HBC played her so delicately- it was strange.

Eponine was awesome. Right? When isn't she? But let's just take a second here to ask the question that's been on everyone's mind. IS HER WAIST REALLY THAT SMALL? Is that natural? Is it a corset? I want to put my hands around her waist just to see if I can do it. I'm pretty sure I can do it. I'm going to creep stalk the actress and put my hands around her waist to see if that was real or if it was the magic of the silver screen. By god, that was crazy.

The death scenes were good- Valjean's was amazing. I think that the problem I had was that I wanted this movie to be like the last three minutes (AMAZING WONDERFUL BREATHTAKING THE FEEEEEEEELS) for the entire thing. I wanted to be swept away and I wasn't. As a result, I've got a case of the blues I just can't shake.

Other notes:

I hate Gavroche. In general.


Boring boring boring OH HELLO RANDOM STREET FULL OF HOT YOUNG MEN. Suddenly this movie got better.

ENJOLRAS x GRANTAIRE = BROMANCE OF THE AGES. Oh my god, seriously. Their death scene was all, "THE SKY IS OUR CANOPY. GOD'S CANOPY. THE SKY." *bullets*

I was looking forward to Master of the House, since it's a fun song. It wasn't fun. It was gross.

Was it really necessary to add the spine breakage to Javert's death scene? Why couldn't he just have made a big splash? Then the entire theater wouldn't have been all D:




It's a motherfucking dome, not the most unique thing to happen in the history of architectural ever. A. Fucking. Dome. If we have to sit here and go over the fact that domes inspired domes inspired domes because really, they're FUCKING DOMES and SOMEWHAT COOL TO LOOK AT I really can't fucking help anyone.

All you need to know about art history is that things were made because they were pretty and sometimes because they were functional. Everything else is ten thousand pounds of heaping steaming bullshit.

Domes, man. Fuck domes.


I am trying as hard as I can to finish my goddamned thesis. It's insanely difficult because I stopped caring about it the minute I started it, and if I don't care about something I don't do it. I should have stuck to my guns and done the Bayeux thing, but... well. Department pressure is department pressure, and it's kind of too late to change now.

We're moving at the end of June and I have to figure out the fuck to where. Original plan was to shack up with mom and dad for a bit, save some money, figure out doctoral plans. Now J and I have decided fuck it, I'll move to Jersey instead, and stay with his family until I a) find a job down there and b) we find a house. This will not do. On so many levels. Hoo boy. I love his family but I've never lived with them (whereas I've lived with my own. Obviously.)

Also I'm getting married and that's freaking me out. Not the getting married (being married?) part. That's awesome. But I never in a million years thought I'd have like, daily panic attacks about planning a wedding. I've been so on top of wedding planning since I was twelve! I know all the things to do! It's ridiculous. Pick a dress. Pick flowers. Take a bunch of people out to dinner and dancing. People make so much more out of it than it is. And yet... and yet...

Well, part of the problem is my deep-seated desire to get married at home, and not in the wilds (home being the New York City metropolitan area.) So everything's automatically twice as expensive. Also I'm freaking out because people will have to pay tolls to come. Which is stupid, but there you go.

So, Plan A:

Staten Island. Get married at Christ Church which is where like everybody in my family gets married. V. sentimental, continuity, etc. Have reception at Snug Harbor- v. classy, as opposed to that place on the South Shore where all the-- well, nevermind, I won't say anything about Mob Wives and Jersey Shore or whatever, but I REFUSE to have a party in one of those places. If get married at SH, then can rent out Children's Museum for to keep any children occupied while the adults have fun. (I am really going to try to accomodate people with children. Really. I just really, really don't want them to disrupt the ceremony/cocktail hour/beginning of diner. The plan has always been to set up a separate space for them with tv/movies/pizza/games/activities/video games/whatever to keep them occupied. This would be easiest at this location because the Children's Museum is FUCKING AWESOME.)

However, SH in January is kind of blah. It's a botanical garden. It's January. I don't need to lay out the math here. Also J is kind of meh (okay, completely, totally meh) on the idea of a religious ceremony, which makes the church thing complicated (if I'm getting married in a church, it has to be that one. No other church will do. Or I don't care enough about it to pick out and fuck around with another church.) Also the bridge tolls are fucking expensive, and I feel bad doing that to people. Also, there are like, no hotels on Staten Island. Well, that's not true. There are maybe three of them, but they're all nowhere near the church or SH, and the thought of my upstate friends navigating Staten Island's weird little residential streets and traffic has me running for the nearest paper bag to breathe into.

There is another option that we're looking at, same company and everything. It's called Liberty House and it's in Jersey City. It's got gorgeous skyline views, which as been the most important aspect of any wedding I've planned since I was about nine and started planning weddings. That's about it. It's a standard catering hall, no museum for the kids, no church (which really I'm fine with) and... yeah. But! hotels close by, no bridge tolls. Verdict: awesome and pretty, but not particularly unique.

Also having panic attacks about paying for all of this. Goes without saying. I'll have about eight grand saved up by the end of June. Which means... what? Nothing. Oh my god.

Also I have the period from hell. Because: I have a 29mm cyst on my ovary that's in the process of resolving itself. Ow. The cramps have been hard this time around, even though the doctor had me stay on the active pill cycle, and I've felt generally shitty the past two days. Like, laid around the house in my jammies shitty. Which I absolutely fucking hate. Also I have a pulled groin from dance last week. K asked me to be in a tribute dance for Js, which I was happy to do. Then she said 'leap' and I leapt like I haven't leapt in years. And pulled my groin muscle. WTF BODY, WHEN DID YOU START GETTING OLD ON ME?

It was my own fault. I didn't warm up, just started dancing. What a dumbass I am sometimes.

Teal Deers run in packs:

- my thesis isn't done
- my wedding isn't planned
- omg cramps
- I'm old

Part of my issue with losing weight is that I don't like to shower. Well, no, I do like to shower and be clean, but if I shower too often (once a day is too much for me) my skin and hair dry out and crackle like hell. Yet when I exercise I sweat like, ridiculous amounts. So. I try to avoid getting sweaty at times when it doesn't fit into my shower schedule (every other to every third day, depending.)

As a result of my "I really don't want to get sweaty right now" issue, I'm about forty pounds over where I want to be.*

Today I turn over my new "taking an extra shower is okay" leaf. I took a shower this morning and am going hiking this afternoon. It will drive me nuts to take another shower, but I need to sit myself down and say, "Self, this is okay. Just don't use too much soap."


I want to pole dance, which is where all this is going.

First world problems?

*MA didn't help. Reading 2000 pages/week and writing for your life = stuff one can't do on a treadmill, unless one is from Long Island and that ability is in their genes.



Hair goodies!

I lost my boxwood comb (*sob*) a few weeks ago and have barely brushed my hair since. I finally got around to ordering another. This one isn't as good, but it's prettier (note the carved ume blossoms.) The carp kanzashi is my graduation present to myself (unless I don't graduate, in which case, it's a present to myself anyway.) According to the website from which they came:

Story of Carp's Leaping over Dragon's Gate:The Chinese word for carp is "li" which means advantageous or lucrative. Legend has it that the humble carp swims upstream against the rapid currents of the Yellow River to reach the Dragon Gate. Upon preparation it takes a courageous leap over the rapids and across the gate and transformed itself into the celestial dragon. This feat is comparable to the state examinations. The story symbolizes the olden days' scholar in preparation for his imperial exam. Upon successful attempt, he will enjoy a lifetime of wealth and prosperity as an imperial officer. The Carp therefore symbolizes great achievements and victories. According to Fengshui, having carp shaped items around your work or study place will enhance the "power" to achieve success.



Also check out my sweet couch upholstery.


Please take a seat in the shaming room...

Originally posted by denorios at Please take a seat in the shaming room...
Since a number of US newspapers have refused to republish the latest Doonesbury cartoon strip which highlights the way Republicans are attempting to undermine a woman's right to choose, I feel it's important to make sure the message still gets across.

The shaming room awaits.

Image and video hosting by TinyPic


We were standing in a town that was being evacuated due to an incoming hurricane. We were in a kitchen putting food in sacks and getting ready to leave. Outside the window, across the street, was a break wall. Beyond it we could see the sea being whipped up into whitecaps. It was dark, raining, the wind was blowing. I wanted to tell him I love him and I couldn't. I wanted to grab him and kiss him and I couldn't. We just kept working side by side. Eventually we were the last ones left, and we talked about going to make sure our grandmothers were all right. Then we went our separate ways.

What the shit is this supposed to mean????





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